My Act Four

Episode 34: It's Me. Hi. I'm the Problem

Messing up the sound on last week’s podcast wasn’t a big deal. Except for the ten minutes between the discovery of the problem and my decision to delete and re-record the episode. My thoughts during those ten minutes weren’t pretty. I’d like very much to shorten the time I spend in shame in the future. Because it’s completely in my power to do so.
On the bright side, it reminded me of a time when a nurse, a professional screwed up big time, and we both lived to tell the tale.
 

Episode 33: The Stormy Present

What would you do if you had more time? If you’re someone who doesn’t think she has enough time, I learned something today that you might find helpful: most of us spend 32% of our time stuck in the past or worrying about the future. That means that we’re only spending 68% of the time we’ve been given in the present. Can you imagine what your life would look like if you stopped time traveling?
I’ve said before that learning to live in the present is my life’s work. I realized that I still have some work to do in this area when I caught myself thinking, “I’ll be able to relax after we close on the condo.” The reality is there’s nothing left for me to do except sign the papers. The sellers have already signed! 
Purchasing this condo has been a mini project for me to manage. Bank statements, the property tax bill, the building’s master insurance policy and HOA budget, and our IDs have been uploaded. Our income has been verified. And closing costs have been wired to the title company. There’s literally nothing left to do except sign on the dotted lines. We don’t even have to collect keys or move. We already live here!
So what do I think will change when we close? Sure, there are a few things to do, like purchasing a home warranty policy, and setting up automatic mortgage and HOA payments. But that’s about it. 
So what, again, do I think will change? Honestly, I don’t think anything changes. I think I’ve become so accustomed to drama around change that I’ve felt the need to create it in this instance where none exists.

Episode 32: All by Myself

My husband is gone for three weeks, so I’ve decided to recalibrate and reset. I was surprised when I encountered overwhelm. Here’s how I found clarity and got back on track.

Episode 31: What I Wish I Knew at 39

By popular request, this episode is dedicated to listeners who are or are about to turn 40. Here’s a list of things I wish I would have known nearly 20 years ago. What would you add?

Episode 30: 2 Paps to Go

I’ve just been informed that I only have two Paps left in my future, and I couldn’t be happier. Except when I remember what comes next. Who else finds it difficult to be in the moment you’re in?

Episode 29: Mommy Dearest

Adult children who choose to go no contact with their parents are often seen as the villain. In this episode I unpack my experience with being estranged from my own mother after years of abuse.

Episode 28: The Most Popular Episode I've Recorded Yet

In this episode I talk about the single most popular episode I’ve recorded. Not if you’re counting downloads, but in the sheer number of people who wrote to tell me that different parts of it resonated with them. Or commented on my TikToks–I broke the episode down into a series of eight–some in tears, some with questions. The TikTok views alone are at 196.2K which astounds me. I talk about what resonated with you–and what didn’t–and, more specifically, answer questions.

Episode 27: Asking for What You Want

Who else has ever wanted to tell your husband/wife/partner to fuck all the way off? I doubt I’m the only one. Maybe it's the year of our Lord 2024, truly the year of the woman. Maybe it's retirement. Too much time together. But I don’t think so. 
I think it has more to do with naive, rose-colored expectations of what a marriage would look like. 
Did anyone else grow up under the impression that love was liking all of the same things and doing everything together? Granted, you could be bored out of your ever-lovin’ mind (of course we pushed that down), but if you went everywhere and did everything together, that meant you were in love.
Why has it taken me 30+ years of marriage to remember that I can ask for what I want? And I'll probably get it!

Episode 26: Things used to be easier, and other lies I tell myself

When I’m at the gym I find thought distortions creeping in. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, these are the thoughts that are either untrue or unhelpful. Or, in my case both.
So I ask myself, “What other lies am I telling?”

Episode 25: What I Wish I’d Known at 19 instead of 59

What do you wish you would have known sooner? I’ve made a list. A whole lot of it looks like leaning more into myself and less into perfection. What would you add?